Then they come together again

In June of 2009, I wrote a post called 'When things fall apart'. It's the title of a Pema Chodron book, which Jamine lent me. Here is the quote I used: 

"Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and they fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy." ~ Pema Chodron

And they fall apart. A lot of things were falling apart then, and in the year that followed that post. My heart and my spirit were broken, my job ended, I left my home and moved into a place and a city that held no connection for me, my bestfriendship with Hawkeye was tenious, my body was injured, my movement restricted, and my heart was cold.


I was during that time that I decided to take my Heart Vacation so I could allow time for parts of me to lie dorment, shift over. I made room in my heart and my mind and in my life for the healing. Made room for me, just to be, me - scared, alone,  facing inward, unsure, quiet. I was Grieving. I resigned myself to not feeling at all, and I found relief and calmness in that.

Then they come together again. Today, my spirits are up, my heart feels healthy, my new job is extended for another 2 years, my home is happy and filled with play and joy and kindness, it is a place that grounds me. My bestfriendship with Hawkeye feels back on track. My body is taking vitamins and going where it needs to. My heart is full of warmth.

I feel stronger,  less alone,  facing outward, confident. Present. and more and more recently  -  I have been finding room for joy.

a lot of joy.