Boarder control: Eyes wide shut

"Love, even old love nestles itself into the space that two people hold each other with their eyes."

These were my words, just a half dozen pages back, as I reflected on seeing HB again. reflected on what it felt like to feel love again, reflected on how I thought I had forgotten. 

And I have. 

~~~

"You're heart is so closed M. you can't even look at me" she said to me last night. 

And she was right.  

It had not been conscious and her observation so poignant and raw, that the truth rattled through me. As of late, I have been closing my eyes. Shifting my glance. Avoiding contact. 

This truth, startled me, and flashed me back to the moments of the hold. Those moments of thick rich silence, because everything that needed to be said but could not be articulated was conveyed through that stare.  


You will always know if someone loves you, by the way they look you in the eye. If their heart is open, they can let you in and take you into themselves.  And they find you there too, looking deep beyond the round irises, reaching your inner self. Like a sixth sense, it is a feeling, an intuition, a knowing, that can not really be explained any other way. 


Love does nestle itself into that sacred glorious warm space that two people hold each other with their eyes.  A space that means more then words, or actions or commitments. A space that radiates directly from your heart.  In that space, you hold the bond, you find love. 

It is a space that has held me, captivated me, given me hope, and ultimately misguided me. 

~~~

When you have a fortress around your heart and the land surrounding it hostile, you can not be haphazard with visitors. So I close my eyes when I speak, and I shift my glance when I can, my eyes like a boarder check stop, controlling the flow both in and out.